Terrifying New Project

For an online class about gender and comic books, I had to draw a comic based on a personal experience with gender. I'm no illustrator, so that was pretty tough for me to manage. However, the assignment did start me thinking about another project that I've been working on in my head, something so personal that I'm not really even comfortable sharing it openly yet.

In the class chatroom, I was talking to another student who encouraged me to start putting things on paper (even if it was just random brainstorming) and get it off that mental back burner. So yesterday, I worked on it, pretty much all day. What I have to show for hours of work? Six hand-written pages, that I then distilled into 2 pages typed into a Word doc. That's it. *sigh* I obsessed over naming; every name was chosen deliberately, and I needed 21 names.

Then I decided to hit up our new Half Price Books store to see if they had any good books for learning to draw. I ended up with:

How to Draw Comic Book Heroes and Villains by Christopher Hart,
and How to Draw Manga V. 1 by Ben Dunn* -- I found things in both books that I thought would help,
and since it was Half Price Books, it was reasonable to get both.

I don't know what my style is, if I even have one, but both of these offered some basic mechanics as well as particular styles. I already had a sketchbook that I bought for this purpose (before I bought those books, before I started the class). So I guess now it's time to work on figure studies. The writing may always come more naturally to me, but if I can make the images I have in my head come out on paper, then maybe I'll be able to translate it into something that's really mine.

The fear comes into play when I'm honestly afraid to try, and possibly fail. This particular creation is the convergence of a number of things that are meaningful to me, so it's incredibly personal, and why I have only entrusted some of the details a couple of people. It's fragile yet...

When I have something I'm proud of, I'll share it, but until then, this project is under wraps.

__________
*Ben Dunn's website doesn't seem to be working, or I'd link him, too.

Trust in the Process, in My Vision

A couple months ago, I bought a styrofoam head (like for use as a hat stand). My thought was to cover the surface with Wonder Woman, images from comic books, découpaged on. I found a pedestal to put it on when it was finished. I bought the comics, back issues from Volume 2, with George Pérez as artist and writer. I can see in my head how I want it to look when it's finished, but I am honestly scared to get started.

Once I cut up the comic books, that's it. Once applied to the head, there's no undoing it. From that point on, it's me, my vision, and my ability to execute the plan. And I don't trust my own vision, my abilities.

Upon reflection, that's why a lot of my projects sit unfinished, or not even begun: Fear. Lack of trust. Lack of faith. In myself. If you don't start, you can't fail; if you never finish, you can't be wrong. And acknowledging that to myself just makes me mad.

I was "lucky" enough to work retail in the Chicago Loop -- shoplifters and robbers galore -- and I faced them all fearlessly. But ask me to have a little faith in myself, and I can't manage it. All the reassurance and compliments from family and friends cannot make me believe what I cannot see for myself.

Maybe it's time to reread Art & Fear. Maybe it's time to let Diana -- Wonder Woman -- to speak to me; maybe I need to listen harder.

There is no right and wrong in art... is there?

I've been reading a couple issues of Art Quilt Studio for inspiration, looking at some really amazing textile arts, looking at my little quilts (the second one is 99% complete) and wondering if I'm doing it "right." My husband, when I commented that mine didn't look like any of those I'd seen, asked if I was trying to copy someone else or make my own. (Bless him and his blunt impatience.) But I can't help but wonder - am I doing it right? I guess I sort of am, since I'm creating as close to what I see in my head as I can.

It's maddening and baffling, so unlike the photography I've done so far. There's a project for that I have in my head, not sure I'll make it work, make it happen ever, but with that, it's more than simply framing a shot - there's lighting and things to consider that I don't normally have to fuss with, since I usually choose flowers as my subject. (And one of the reasons I like to shoot nature is because it doesn't show up late, doesn't argue, and doesn't expect to be paid...) But with textile art, there's a sense of "is this right?" even when I know I'm not sewing a wedding gown that has to be just so. Recently I've been told over and over to be "kinder to myself." Perhaps that also includes giving myself permission to let go of some of these doubts and play.

My husband is nothing if not honest: When asked what he thinks of the little quilts, he tells me that they aren't really his thing, but that he's sure someone will like them. I guess it's really not even fair of me to ask him. God knows there's plenty of artists that I just don't get or appreciate - it may be genius, but I simply don't like it, so how to comment?

So many ideas... so many ways to play... I just need to let go of the idea of "right" and "wrong" and DO it.

How I Spent 2/3 of Labor Day Weekend

Here are the dozen flags, all of them, on the bed. I finished those up Sunday morning.This is the logo flag - whatever other order I put them in, this one will be in the center of the string.
And here's how I finished up my Sunday, matting prints, 44 of them...
I'm not quite done. I still need to come up with something to put the cards in so they're neat and won't get banged up, and I still have the pendants to make... oh what a pain those will be! I could go to the festival right now, however, and still be fine. I have prints to sell, and that's the main thing. I have an eye-catching way to set off my booth (not finished, still working on the how if it) and I will have my books to sell as well. There's still plenty to accomplish before the end of the month, but I can relax a little bit now.