Monday, October 22, 2012

Trust in the Process, in My Vision

A couple months ago, I bought a styrofoam head (like for use as a hat stand). My thought was to cover the surface with Wonder Woman, images from comic books, découpaged on. I found a pedestal to put it on when it was finished. I bought the comics, back issues from Volume 2, with George Pérez as artist and writer. I can see in my head how I want it to look when it's finished, but I am honestly scared to get started.

Once I cut up the comic books, that's it. Once applied to the head, there's no undoing it. From that point on, it's me, my vision, and my ability to execute the plan. And I don't trust my own vision, my abilities.

Upon reflection, that's why a lot of my projects sit unfinished, or not even begun: Fear. Lack of trust. Lack of faith. In myself. If you don't start, you can't fail; if you never finish, you can't be wrong. And acknowledging that to myself just makes me mad.

I was "lucky" enough to work retail in the Chicago Loop -- shoplifters and robbers galore -- and I faced them all fearlessly. But ask me to have a little faith in myself, and I can't manage it. All the reassurance and compliments from family and friends cannot make me believe what I cannot see for myself.

Maybe it's time to reread Art & Fear. Maybe it's time to let Diana -- Wonder Woman -- to speak to me; maybe I need to listen harder.

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