This wound around to my general processing style of direction-following, and how I just don't do well with directions and instructions. It's hard for me to read them, to understand them sometimes, and I never know if it's because of them being poorly or oddly written, or if there's something wrong in my head that makes me unable to understand what seems like straightforward stuff. A certain frame of mind might suggest that I have issues with authority, and I agree that I do, but I think both issues stem from a different source than defiance. If you give me a task, but don't tell me how you want it done, I'll figure out what seems like the best way, and do it. If you tell me step-by-step how you want something done, I'll have all kinds of problems. Partly because I can often find some way to do what you're telling me to do that is easier, more efficient, or makes more sense to me. Partly because I hate being micromanaged. I don't like being watched or supervised. Let me be and I'll get it done. But here's the thing: I'll probably look like I'm screwing around, futzing with other things, but what I'm really doing is processing in the background. Previously, managers who knew me, knew to let me do my job. Anytime someone new was around, they usually had problems with the way I worked. My stuff always got done on time, sometimes early, sometimes at the last minute, but it got done. This is one of the reasons I don't do well working for other people.
And this little mental conversation happened while I was loading the dishwasher. I think I got it all down. Certainly this is the gist of it.
It's something that can happen to people with dyslexia or other visual processing disorders. There's an animated gif here showing the river distortion, at the Irlen Institute's website -- they use colored lenses to mitigate various problems with reading difficulties. I've never been diagnosed with dyslexia, and the first time I ever heard about rivers in text as something that was problematic for other people was when I was attending an autism conference, and we learned about the Irlen colored lenses that are supposed to help with visual processing issues. It might help me with my migraines, but I don't know that I want to go find a screener. I've been doing fine for 40 years... Except for the migraines, anyway. And that was a pretty big side-track. *wince* On the other hand, it is a slice of my brain. Metaphorically speaking.
* If you're not familiar with other postings mentioning it, or haven't seen that blog or read my bio, my daughter is autistic, and does have some sensory sensitivities.